I was in the Motel 6 laundry building a couple of weeks ago doing my usual 6 simultaneous loads of laundry while simultaneously having a few drinks and, I guess, simultaneously getting tipsy. On one trek across the parking lot to *check the sheets* (laundry speak: *check the sheets* = periodically opening the dryer to make sure the bedsheets do not roll themselves into a tight twisted ball with the rest of the dryer load trapped within them so the entire dryer load ends up as a hot, damp, wrinkled tangle that has to be dried again for another hour and another dollar...my theory is that this only happens in commercial dryers, never at home) While un-twisting the sheet and trying not to dump the trapped items onto the gross floor, a woman started talking to me. (She was folding her clothes on the table...I never fold my clothes on the table b/c I am afraid the table is kind of dirty) So, anyway, she said her name was Jennie and she and her husband moved here from Indianapolis b/c her husband is getting into acting and Chicago is a great town for that and this is so close, etc. I asked how long they had been here and she said they have lived in the Motel 6 for almost 3 years. (OMG!!) She said they had just signed another lease b/c the acting gig was going well. As she raved about her husband's blossoming career, I started to picture this young-ish Tom Cruise/Brad Pitt/Matt Damon kind of guy...and I was thinking, "hmmmmm...a hottie living HERE? In the Motel 6???" I decided to keep an eye out so someday I could be interviewed for a People Magazine article about how he was such a nice neighbor and his first wife and I used to do laundry together and I once or twice got a glimpse of his boxer shorts, etc etc...it was quite the visual, naturally, after a few cocktails. I told H about the conversation and he said, "Hey, I think Jennie is the one who drives the car that has the *Skydiving* bumper sticker on it." ...and a skydiver too? Hmmmmmmm...I couldn't wait to get a look at this hot actor skydiver-guy!
As I said, this all happened a few weeks ago. Every time I walked out to the dumpster or the car or over to the laundry, I had my eye out for Jennie's husband. I was looking for maybe a leather jacket/dark smoldering eyed-man...or maybe a blondie guy with all-American good looks. It became a bit of an obsession...I even had H watching for him as well. Daily we combed the parking lot with no sightings...only the car with the Skydiving bumper sticker.
This past week it all came to a head. I was at the gym, winding down my workout, when I saw Jennie's car drive into the parking lot. I stayed on the treadmill a few moments longer...maybe The Husband was coming to the gym! MY gym! I saw Jennie get out of the car and walk with a huge smile towards this guy. Surely this wasn't...it couldn't be...NO WAY! Yes way. She gave him a big smooch and he wrapped his arms around her and together they came into the gym.
It was not Brad Pitt. It was not Matt Damon. It was not Tom Cruise. It was more like a combination of Chris Farley and John Candy with a little bit of nerd mixed-in. I was crushed. As I told H, he had a sort of roundy body, a shock of unkept red hair, and a similarly unkept type of goatee thing, He was wearing a football jersey, sweat pants with a few holes, and old dirty tennis shoes. Def. not iron man material and def. not a reason for People Mag to be contacting me anytime soon.