I hate my life. Can I just sat that without feeling guilty? Life is sucking so horribly right now I just don't think I can stand another moment. Ok, I'll have a drink if you insist. I am so sick of the *godam* house and all of the crap that goes along with it. BTW, this is my whiney (as opposed to winey) post so if you can't handle it, do bail out immediately. Fair warning. I will vent in the form of a list. (Yes, Danny, I know you love my lists.)
1) I am tired of being alone all of the time. H works on the house and, unless I go to *the site*, I am with the poodles. Poodles are great, don't get me wrong. I just like to have a conversation once in a while that doesn't involve throwing a squeaky toy. If I go to *the site*, I stand there like a humongous lump and watch H work. Somehow, that makes me feel very useless. Maybe I will be more useful when we are arranging furniture or something. I can be somewhat creative at times.
2) I am hating the house already and I have not even lived there yet! Everyone keeps saying, "Oh, this will be so worth it once you move in...you will love it." OK, rot in hell people. Honestly...a house is not that huge to me. I suppose if I had lived in a cardboard box or something I could see it...but well over a year of this living in limbo is taking its toll and frankly, I really hate that house. And it's Eucalyptus Country Ledgestone and its Brazilian Cherry and its stupid poplar! Dumb wood.
3) H gets such a kick out of doing all of this. I feel so guilty not being all enthused about it. I have tried, honestly...it just doesn't seem to kick in. I want to go home to a home...not to a project.
4) Please H...if you read this, please PLEASE just ask me out on a date sometime in the coming year. Make all of the plans and tell me we are going to have lunch in a little cafe in Chicago. Promise me we will window shop and have a chilled glass of Pino Grigio at one of those restaurants that has tables outside so we can watch people and make up little stories about them. Then we might get to know each other again. Remember a few years ago when all you did was work and it really made things awful? I am kinda thinking we are heading down that road again. That is kind of a bumpy road.
I am only done with number 4 and I already feel like a winey bitch. But man, it feels better to get it out without hurting anyone. Except the poor readers...of which there are very few so my apologies to the few.