Saturday, July 30, 2005

Can't we just caulk it?

The *countertop guy* is coming tomorrow to measure the kitchen. In preparation, H gave me the very important assignment of obtaining the specifications for the slide-in rage we have on order. I did not realize this, but *slide in* means there is some countertop behind the stove. At the time H was raving about how we should really go with a slide in style, I was probably thinking I could really go with a VO and Coke...but anyway, due to the way the range is to fit, the countertop must be very precise. Big caulk joints due to poor fit do not pass H's quality control inspections. Remember that.

I should have known getting the specifications in-hand would take more than a simple phone call or email.

Friday I phoned the appliance store:

Finally A Human On The Other End: Thank you for calling our store, the largest and best selection of appliances, electronics in the Chicagoland Area...home of the new Sony 12 foot Hi-Definition Plasma TV. This is Elisha, how may I help you today?
WTC: We have a slide-in range on order with you and I would like to get the specifications so the countertop guy can measure correctly and avoid the humongous caulk lines that drive my husband to drink.
FAHOTOE: The specifications will come with the range.
WTC: The range won't be delivered for 2 weeks. I need the specs by Monday.
FAHOTOE: Well...hmmmmmm. We aren't supposed to open boxes here to get the manuals out because, you know, it might mess someone up.
WTC: You don't have ANY manuals? What are people supposed to do if they don't happen to have the appliance at the site yet?
FAHOTOE: Well, most customers have the appliances delivered before the countertop is measured.
WTC: They do? Everyone? I am the ONLY one who is measuring before I get my appliances?
FAHOTOE: Yeah, I guess...I don't have a manual I can send to you. And they don't like us to open the boxes so I really can't copy one for you.
WTC: Would you be able to give me the number of the manufacturer?

I then took a deep breath and phoned the manufacturer:

MAJOR AUTOMATED PHONE SYSTEM. I was pinged and ponged from here to there all the while listening to how they are the LARGEST manufacturer of home appliances with companies worldwide, headquartered in Rome, and serving every country on this planet as well as having expanded to the next galaxy.

Finally A Human On The Other End: Hello, thank you for calling the largest manufacturer of home appliances with companies worldwide, headquartered in Rome, and serving every country on this planet as well as having expanded to the next galaxy, this is Robin, how may I help you today?
WTC: Robin, I would like to get the specs for your slide in range so I can have my countertop measured. If I don't get these specs, my husband will have a countertop quality control issue.
FAHOTOE: Our specs are online or, they come with the appliance in the box.
WTC: I don't have the box yet and the specs for this unit are not online. Look, I just need them now, ok? Surely you have them there at the MANUFACTURING FACILITY, don't you?
FAHOTOE: Hmmmmmmm...(I pictured her looking around her cubicle to see if they were there, next to her picture of Jeff Gordon Jr.)

After 15 minutes, FAHOTOE finally located the specs in her in-house computer wonderland. While I waited, I listened to the recorded message saying the company had just opened another facility on the moon.

FAHOTOE: Well, here they are! Ya just have to know how to fool the computer. What is your fax number? I'll fax them to you...gee, I hope you will be able to read the numbers...they are kind of small.
WTC: Well then, just email them to me if they might be hard to read.
FAHOTOE: Oh, we don't have that capability yet, ma'am...but we should be getting it in the next year or so.


Rhoda M. said...

LOL...are you serious? They have stores all over the planet, but aren't capable of emailing you? Now that is comedy.

Rockenheimer said...

We think you're very funny. Like not stoopid funny, but genuinely talented funny, like we are ourselves. We think we will add your URL to our short list of links. Because we CARE!

Kiddo78 said...

That is just too much. I absolutely despise calling customer service. I just want to scream, "Listen to yourself!!! Are you really saying that...??" Gawd-ah!!

Amanda Frazier said...

ARGH! I feel your pain honey. Don't you just wonder sometimes what kind of requirements are needed to fill the position of "worthless customer service phone rep"?
Like on the job description, does it say
"...must have ability to smack gum loudly in the phone, exhibit no product knowledge, and hostility toward customers that attempt to explain (again and again) what information they are trying to get out of the employee is a must"

walktrotcanter said...

I am so glad I'm not the only one with customer service issues! I think it is worse b/c I do a lot of customer service with my when I finally get to be the customer, I expect service!