Wednesday, October 05, 2005

WELL? What are we going to do?

Now that we are moved, we are going thru the "making the place ours" thing. It is kind of difficult to know where to begin when it's a new house since the place has no real personality yet. There isn't much to work from as in an older place. In a house that has been lived-in, you can say, "I think I'll trim those bushes back so we can see the basement window", or "These Brady Bunch curtains must go." In a new house, you say, "MY GOD, WE ARE COMPLETELY EXPOSED...WE NEED BUSHES!" ...and if you are me, you cover the windows with sheets, open a beer, and admire your work. I have, with the fine example of Mandy, switched into MarthaMode. What with her bathroom remodel AND scrapbooking I was feeling somewhat lamoid in my skills. In retaliation, this past weekend I bought fabric and stiched up some lovely silk curtains for a few of the key viewing areas. You know, the windows that you have to duck to walk by in case the 16-yr old neighbor boy happens to be out in his yard looking in. ahem.

The biggest dilemma I have found in making this place a true homestead, however, is the proper decoration for the well head that is sticking out of the ground in the middle of the yard. Ours looks like a white pvc pipe with lots of weeds around it right now. At one point in the construction phase, H put some orange flag material on a pole next to the well head so it wouldn't get hit with any construction machinery. The little flag looks as if it has seen some heavy artillary at this point. Our little battlefield theme was just fine with me until I took a tour of the neighborhood. My findings were not good. No one in this land of PerfectLawndom has anything remotely similar. Apparently, I was wrong to think this might be perfectly acceptable. How trailer trash of me. Instead, I discovered, we are supposed-to have a thought-out theme happening with the well head and its immediate surroundings. I so fit in here!

Take for instance, Neighbor #1: This is the couple at the end of the road with a really pretty little girl, the wife that H lusts after, and the husband who looks like he has not quite evolved completely from his caveman ancestors. They have a lovely garden theme happening in their yard. The well head is, I discovered on my tour de neighborhood, cleverly hidden under one of those big fake rocks you can get at Menards. Ah ha! Very creative! Neighbor #2 went for more of the Billy Goat's Gruff theme. A perky little footbridge arches over the unsightly well head. A wooden cutout of a little girl is set up to stand on the bridge as if she is gazing over the lush yard. I also noted a scary wooden black cat that was recently added to the bridge as a Halloween decoration. ("H, get your ass's time to put the Halloween decorations on the well head!") Neighbor #3 is probably my favorite in that he is working more along my lines as far as creativity. He topped his well head with a whimsical wishing well. This little whimsical wishing well is the only landscaping for this entire location. ("Hey look, I can save wads of cash on plants if I just put this wishing well here. It covers the unsightly well head AND works as enchanting decor! It pretty much takes care of the whole yard!") Brilliant.

Unfortunately for H, I began coming up with ideas for our yard post-PerfectLawndom tour. Battlefield was just not going to cut it, however he didn't exactly go nuts over my
Jimmy Buffet theme. Or the one with water-action. If this keeps up, I may just throw a sheet over the thing and call it good. Did I happen to mention how much I have enjoyed this moving business?


Stacy said...

Here I wondered if your posts wouldbe as funny leaving the Motel 6...I certainly didin't have to be concerned,I laughed hystericaly at this!

Amanda Frazier said...
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Amanda Frazier said...

POSH! Jimmy Buffet decor is WAY classy woman! What's wrong with that man of yours anyhow? Sure, just put those palm trees out with some beach chairs, and perhaps a replica of one of those kick ass beach cabanas (and, if you're lucky, a cabana boy to serve you your wine) and voila! You will be a hit! I think that using that theme, the perfect thing to cover the pipe would be to actually make it look like someone set a HUGE margarita glass in your lawn, thus disguising it! And, as an added bonus, you could make it, like, a fountain!!!!!!!!
Hell's yeah Martha is channeling through me!!

My code is faghhgram. What's up with that?

Christine said...

Your neighbors are geniuses with the lawn decor. Love the wishing well. Maybe you can expand the battlefield theme beyond the orange flag and design some sort of gun turret...just to endear yourself to the neighbors!