I have decided I must stop being such a pushover. I used to try to be "An assertive woman of the 90's"; however, since the 90's are well behind us and I am still a big wuss I think for the 00's I will call myself "Just Dump Your Crappy Responsibilities on Me Because I Can't Say No Woman". Why is it that no matter how hard I try I am always the Camp Counselor/Responsible one in the group/marriage/tribe/den? In my marriage, I am nearly always the one who thinks of an outing, plans travel and activities, arranges food, and then executes all of the above so it runs like a well-oiled machine. I have tried experiments to see if anyone else (like H, for instance) surprises me with a date. It just doesn't happen. It is the same with my social life...and I find that by the time we get to the *event*, I am pissed-off, exhausted, not even looking forward to whatever it is, and desperately in need of a drink because I did most of the work to get there. What is wrong with me?
As I have mentioned, I work with a riding program for people with disabilities...remember the golden horseshoes??? LOL Well, I am trying to ease my way out of the thing b/c I really don't have time to devote to it with house building/moving and since I started my second little job of working with OZ and getting riding time for free at my lesson barn. I have told the other people involved that I am just not going to be available for everything and I will concentrate on scheduling the volunteers. Period. This approach is not working. I get constant phone calls asking can I come out to help shovel at the barn and can I go look at this new horse and can I work on this and that...and I have a hard time saying no b/c I am afraid the whole group will hate me. LOL Is this not pathetic??? The reason I am writing about this is b/c I am up at 6 am on a Saturday b/c I agreed to go to the barn to feed the horses this morning while the rest of the group went to the Hoosier Horse Fair in Indianapolis. Now mind you, the reason I didn't go to the HHF is b/c I am supposed to help H with the wiring of the house today. I think the group thought that I was staying home to do all of the horsecare while they are off having fun at the HHF! They were peeved that I didn't offer to feed Friday/Saturday/Sunday! (I only agreed to feed this am...YEAH ME!!) Please note the barn is about 40 minutes from here and the price of gas is $2.25 a gallon...and I was supposed to run out there 5 times? So here I am getting ready to head out by 6:30 while the rest of them are probably dragging my name thru the mud b/c they had to find another sucker to feed the rest of the weekend. Maybe I am making progress by only helping out this morning but why am I feeling so guilty?? Argh.