Sunday, March 13, 2011


I shall not beat up on myself for not posting.
I shall not beat up on myself for not posting.
I shall not beat up on myself for not posting.
I really do love my new laptop, tho! :)

Actually, I was a bit down-for-the-count with dental problems so there is my excuse. It was quite awful, actually. Why is it that a person can zip merrily along for 40-some years with merely a cavity here and there...and then it all goes to shit and teeth are crumbling, there are root canals, crowns, and gum surgeries to be had all at once! It cost a fortune and I can still only chew on one side of my mouth. I sort of feel like I should blend all of my food in case something else decides to crack. Oh ya and PS: I am starving.

I do have some excitement to announce, stunningly. I realize I am quite often the downer, but this past winter has been such a fucking pile of shit, honestly. Oh yes, folks always say how THE FIRST YEAR IS THE if there was a magical pixie dust that sprinkled about on that first anniversary of OMGMYHUSBANDDIEDINANACCIDENT and suddenly, I felt all normal and right and wondered what the hell that little blip was...hmmmm?

It isn't so. Just trust me on that.

I found the the first year really hard, yes. This second year, well, it was just fucking hell. Year Two: The year I found my groove as single homeowner, drank like a fish, watched a shitload of Netflix movies, and wondered if this is all I am going to do for the rest of my life. Hi, my name is walktrotcanter. I live like a drunken hermit, can clear a driveway like a 6-foot man, mow whimsical patterns in my lawn, and am a preferred Netflix customer. Nice to meet you.

But there is good news! Really!

I was invited to go for a weekend with my trainer (and friend!) to take a dressage clinic next month. My trainer takes lessons from this clinician every time he is in the area and my fellow riders and I often make the trek southward watch her lessons. But ME? Riding? With HIM?? Holy cats, to me this is sort of like making the cheer-leading team! (Or, there is some hope that I won't embarrass anyone (trainer) in public. On my horse!) The best part is that it is the same weekend as the anniversary of OMGMYHUSBANDDIEDINANACCIDENT. Is that good timing or what...why not just go away and ride a horse. Perfect!

So, there is lots of prep to do:

What to wear?? (This is a big one and will involve much parading around my room in various equestrian ensembles)
Do I need new boots?
Pray that my horse sheds out that awful coat... :)
Do I need new saddle pads?

Maybe this is a bit of light at the end of this black tunnel of doom that has been this past year.

And maybe, just maybe, it will kick off Year 3 with a smile.


Lacey said...

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ArtQwerks said...

I just came across your blog. I am a forever follower (so please keep writing...I'm listening). I am so sorry to hear that you lost your husband. I am that woman you spoke of, in your "I Used to Rule the World" post, in the store with her husband (not really, but I could be) and although I'm grateful for my life and my husband, I'm also grateful to hear your words (ungrateful bitch that I really am). You are really funny and it's a joy to read of your recovery from the devastating past 2 years. I KNOW THAT had to have been some hellacious shit to deal with. You're quite an inspiration. I also live in the midwest, Michigan in fact. I'm 54, have two horses, LOVE TO RIDE and relish cocktails with my friends (oh God, that sounds like a singles classified if I ever heard one). I see myself while reading your blog. I think I would be just like you if (or when, because really, isn't it 50/50 that one of us is gonna go first?) my husband passes.

That's it...I just wanted to say that. You don't know me one whit, but you sound like you are really strong...and I appreciate that. Keep riding that horse. He/she will absolutely help you kick off year three with laughter! You deserve it!

PS. My teeth are now crumbling too!!! WTF? ...and yes it IS costing a FORTUNE!