Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Some initial thoughts to get the conversation started

1) Folks say and do things which seem rather odd and out of character. I had one person yell at me because I did not rush down to the accident site to *see* it and him and yell at everyone.
2) H died in a work-related accident. Take #1 and multiply by 10
3) Upon advice from my insurance agent, I hired a lawyer to deal with the liability insurance issues. His name is Lou and he drives a Prius.
4) H’s family is rather far away. In the 22 yrs we were married, they never came to visit, and we always went to see them. They arrived after his death and wanted to change some of the funeral arrangements. They were also upset I did not prepare the traditional smoked salmon for the wake. They asked me to make them tea. I don’t think they understand the term “Next of Kin”. Clearly, they did not see me as family. That hurt.
5) Re #4, I did make it clear to them. It was not pretty and only one of them has contacted me since they left. That also hurts.
6) Neighbors and friends really do care and often don’t seem to know what to do. As time passes, some of them ask HOW AAARRRE YOU? In all caps. The close friends know you are totally f-d up and thankfully they just bring you booze.
7) Someone brought fried chicken and Italian beef to my house in the first few days. I will never be able to smell nor eat either one ever again.
8) H loved birds and often had dreams he could fly or was flying. I have noticed that when I think about him a bird of some sort will always fly by. I am not sure if it is meaningful in any way but it is sort of comforting.
9) These days (~8 weeks out) I feel like I am just moving along but I am not sure if I am doing this right. I am not sure there is actually a right way so I suppose I’m good.
10) What I miss the most is talking about our days while I made dinner or while we ate. I have so much to tell him.

5 comments:

Christine said...

I can't even begin to express how sorry I am for your husband's death. I guess that you can count me in with #6 in the not knowing what to do, although I would also have the sense to bring you some booze if do nothing else.

hot babe said...

Oh my god, I am at a complete loss for words. I am so sorry about your husband's passing. I am miles away, yet if there is anything I can do, please let me know - no kidding, anything at all. My thoughts are with you and your family.

walktrotcanter said...

Thanks Christine and HB...it is so nice to know there are good thoughts hovering about :) My poor blog was all dusty but this is all just so wierd I suppose it is good to have the outlet. Hope you two are well! Thanks again

Stacy said...

Walk trot... you are right when you say it is sometimes hard for people to think of what to say when hearing such news... I have never been one of those people... I know very well, there is nothing anyone can say to make anything better, so instead of trying to think of a magic statement or something insightful, I will just simply say I am so sorry... I know my thoughts will be with you and how you are doing now that I have read this. I am glad you have your new horse to keep some rouitne and normalcy, I also really admire your humor,strength,and outlook...I think your blog will be very thearaputic...sometimes just purging thoughts from your system feels good I think... again I am so sorry

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